Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
