i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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