I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize