If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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