Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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