...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just want to make out with him forever
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
