What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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