just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
