he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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