If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
