yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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