she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
