What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
