what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
