Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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