dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
