it was like his penis was on wheels.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
