So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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