ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
