On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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