Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
