Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
