Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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