he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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