I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
