i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize