I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
