Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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