Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
