Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
