Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Mom said you looked used
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
