Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
