Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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