i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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