I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
