so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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