Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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