You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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