everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
