I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
