operation harelip BJ is a go
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize