don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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