Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
