Pappa wants mamma naked
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
