Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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