we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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