Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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