Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
