She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
