How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Houston, we have a squirter
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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