the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
