Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
