he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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