I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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