I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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