That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
