I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
