I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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