he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
