Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
