I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize