you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
