All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
