This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize