1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
