I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
