the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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