Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize