The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
