I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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