Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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