This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
