So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
