3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
