How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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