i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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