I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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