I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
