This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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