i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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