I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
