I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
