Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
