capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
there is glitter all over my balls
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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