like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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