OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
