Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize