I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You are the jesus of drinking
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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