Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
