that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
