overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
