New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize