Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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