people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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