so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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