11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
