I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
