I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
