you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
