I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
