I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
