i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize