i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
