the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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