after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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